Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
After succumbing to the inevitable metabolism death, I underwent The Great Diet Switch . Since that fateful day when I swore off regular sodas, I have rarely to drink one. When a diet choice is available, even a particularly nasty one, I always take it.
Such is my commitment. Even though I haven't lost a single pound, I haven't gained any either. Victory or Mexican Stand-Off?
Either way, during my quest, I have learned some very important lessons.
Getting There From Here
Men can be defined in more ways than having a penis. We like our sports, whether we're playing them or watching them. We fart in our sleep even if we swear up and down that we don't. And we love to give directions.
Men will even compete over who has the best directions. There are two categories for this: The Shortest Route and The Quickest Route. They aren't always the same.
The Disappearance of Things
The world is constantly evolving. It is inevitable; all that is now, will be no more. Traditions are but man's futile attempts to preserve a way of life. But traditions are easily corrupted. Such is the disappearance of things.
Remember when dads had shoe polish and shined their shoes? I bought a tin of shoe polish ages ago because I thought I needed it. I found it the other day, cracked and dried out from years of non-use. Shoe polish is quickly becoming a relic.
Does anyone below the age of fifty carry handkerchiefs any more? I don't think so. I can't picture a fifteen year old boy whipping out his hanky for a girl who just sneezed in class. My dad tried to get me to carry one when I was that age, but somehow, carrying around a dried snot rag was unappealing. Handkerchiefs are one of those traditions that thankfully seems to have died.
Dishwater Johnson is a guy everyone knows. We see him everywhere. In a McDonald's drive-thru paying with a hundred. At a construction site with his hat on backwards. In a Wal-Mart parking lot trying to park in the space with the cart corral.
Dishwater Johnson is the guy who drives ten miles down the highway with his left blinker on. He's the guy who walks around all day with a dried one hanging out of a nostril. He's the guy who pushes the PULL door, more than once.
