Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to hear any more. What witticism can you follow this up with anyway?
Any actual conversation that follows would be pale in comparison to one you could imagine. This is as classic as saying Coke not as good as Pepsi. Or Ford not as good as Chevy.
Dre not as good as Cube.
No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side note: I had seen three different commercials before I noticed his wannabe beer gut. You see it?)
This post is about those stupid hearing tests we all took in elementary school. Remember them?
You put those stethoscope-looking things over your ears while some schmuck behind a glass wall pushed buttons on a machine you couldn't see. You were supposed to raise your hand when you heard a sound.
I never played football growing up because my mom wouldn't let me. I was accident prone enough without adding eleven guys to the equation, all in pads (read: armor) trying their best to knock me on my almost-non-existent ass . But if I had played, there's one position I wouldn't have wanted.
Center.
For those of you living in a cave or outside the U.S., that's the guy who snaps the ball to the quarterback. To me, that's got to be the worst position in the sport.
I'm 36. I've been in love more than once and I've done my fair share of traveling. I've been to Disney World, I've seen the Grand Canyon, and I've partied in Time Square. I'm 36 and I just had my first bowl of Raisin Bran.
Now I'm the first to admit I grew up sheltered from a lot of different cultures. The nearest neighbor was a quarter mile away and we got only four TV channels. Five on a clear night. I didn't have cable until my sophomore year in college.
Kids nowadays, they got it made. When I say kids, I mean little humans under the age of seven. The ones who are excited about going to school because homework is actually fun. The ones who can still get away with an occasional poop in the pants. The ones who still bother Grandpa to play pull-my-finger because it's funny to hear from that elephant that lives under the recliner.
I caught the ass end of a movie on cable today. I don't remember the name of it but it doesn't matter. What I want to point out is that they were shooting at suitcases and I don't know why.
Actually, it was a typical Hollywood shootout scene on the TV; the good guys were pinned down by the bad guys with nowhere to go. And to make the scene as realistic as possible, neither side ran out of bullets.
Like every shootout scene ever filmed in the seventies.
MILF. A term I believe was made widely popular by the movie American Pie. It means Mother-I'd-Love-to-Fornicate. The F doesn't really stand for fornicate.
When I was sixteen, I had a thing for MILFs. I liked older women. Truthfully, I liked any women, but the mature ones held something special for me.
